Suspension
by FilthyxMind
Summary: Holiday fic. Spending the different holidays with Brian and Justin is...different.
1. Thanksgiving

_Now, I'm wanting this for sure.  
__And I'll beg for nothing more._

**Happy (**late**) Thanksgiving**

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"No way."

I tug at Brian's sleeve, looking up at him with a pleading look in my eyes. Of course, that look never works. Not when I'm asking him questions like _this_. He shakes my hand off his arm and tells me no again with a look on his face that clearly shows me that he thinks I'm fucking insane. In a way…I am, I guess. I should have known he'd never agree to do this with me. I was really stupid for even asking. Trying.

I sigh.

"C'mon, Brian. My mom invited _us_."

That's a big step for her. Not just inviting me to the Thanksgiving dinner, but Brian too. That could really mean one thing: She considers Brian as part of her family, which makes me extremely happy. Brian sighs, inspecting himself in the mirror. He looks fucking hot as usual – even if he is being extremely mean right now. You'd think, after four years of "being together" he'd be able to, at least, come to one family dinner, especially since he was actually invited.

"If you _weren't_ invited you'd probably show up."

He meets my eyes through the mirror, smirk on his face.

"You're probably right."

I sigh; it's heavier this time. I don't want to go without him. He shakes his head.

"No one really wants me there, Sunshine. Jennifer just invited me so you'd be happy."

"**_I_** want you there."

He turns away from the mirror, clad in clothes that say he's going to stay home the entire time I'm away eating dinner with my family. This makes me feel slightly better, me knowing that if I don't talk him into going with me than, at least, he won't be out fucking a complete stranger. Fucking someone that's not _me_. He steps forward and pulls me closer against his body by my hips. I place my hands over his just to keep them there. He lets me.

"I'll be here when you get back."

"I want you with me _every second_ tonight."

"Don't you mean every day for the rest of your life? You _did_ used to stalk me."

I move my hands and wrap my arms around his neck instead, drawing myself closer, still. "Lucky for _you_." He shakes his head while his hand snakes into the front of my cargo pants to find that I'm wearing nothing underneath. I grin at him as he wraps his fingers around my shaft. His hand is still so I move my hips forward a little to try and convince him to get a move on. Suddenly his hand releases my cock and comes entirely out of my pants. "Convincing, Sunshine, but, I'm _not_ going."

"Please? I'll let you embarrass me in front of the whole family."

"No."

"Tell everyone what we do in bed every night? In high definition detail?"

"Hmm…"

He seriously looks like he's thinking it over. I watch him and he smiles over at me. "And that would guarantee that I'd never be invited over again." I quickly nod very enthusiastically. "Yeah, definitely." He's quiet for a few minutes and then he shakes his head, amused smile on his face. "Nope, sorry." Fuck he is. I groan in agony and send him a small look of desperate need.

"I'll let you blow me during dinner,"

He doesn't respond.

"I'll blow _you_ during dinner."

He still doesn't say anything. He just sits down on his white leather sofa and starts flipping through a magazine.

"I'll let you _fuck_ _me_ on the dinner table."

He suddenly stands up; the magazine is thrown on the floor and he smiles at me.

"I'm in."

You have got to be kidding me. I shouldn't have said that. I can't let him fuck me. Not in front of my mother and grandma…and everyone else! But I can't tell him that he can't come now 'cause no matter what I say he's definitely in now.

"But I want to fuck you now too."

"We'll be late to,"

"I don't care. I'll make it quick. Jennifer won't mind, anyway."

He drags me to the bedroom, pulls my shirt off and tears off my pants in, literally, ten seconds and he then proceeds to push me down on his – **our** – bed. It might as well be mine too after getting fucked in it and sleeping in it for four years. I watch transfixed as he removes his clothes from his body. He's perfect. Nothing has changed since the first night I met him. He's still beautifully tan, well built from going to the gym everyday – he makes it his _mission_ to never miss a day – and he's just, honestly, too perfect for words.

In _my_ eyes anyway.

Even if he does have a tendency to say whatever he possibly can to hurt your feelings. But, he doesn't really _mean_ it. Not really and…he just says it to get you on the right track and to use your common sense, though, I think he was on the wrong track when he had been trying to get rid of me. He needs me and we both know it – even if he won't admit it.

He lowers his body on top of mine, heated flesh meeting heated flesh; his hips grind teasingly against mine and his lips take no time in finding mine and kissing me until I can no longer think straight. His hands touch me everywhere and I'm not even sure where his hands are because in the next moment they'll be in an entirely different place and the sensations he's causing are too much so…I just go with the flow. Enjoy it – like always. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard." Yes, **please** do.

He reaches over to his trusty nightstand and grabs the lube and a condom. I dream of the day or night…or whatever time when he won't reach over for a rubber. Where it'll just be him. All him. Raw. The very thought of him being inside me with no barriers makes me harder and I'm surprised that I'm not coming on the spot. The thought alone is enough to get me off in a matter of seconds. Just thinking about the feeling, oh god. He better hurry 'cause I'm almost done for. And he knows it.

"Justin – if you come before I even _fuck_ you I'll kill you."

"S-sorry."

I stop thinking about anything having to do with him fucking me raw and, instead, clench the sheets with my hands while listening to him squirt some lube into his hand. His fingers connect with my ass, just applying the lube but he doesn't take the time to finger fuck me. He said he was going to make this quick so we weren't too late for my mothers Thanksgiving dinner. And he meant it. He grabs my legs and wraps them around his waist and I keep them there, moaning as the blunt head of his cock touches my ass.

"What do you want me to do, Justin?"

I thought he was going to make this quick. Bastard.

"F-Fuck me. Now."

I really don't have time for this game he's playing. I start fantasizing about him fucking me raw again knowing that he'll notice that I'm on the brink again.

"Justin!"

"Fuck me, then, dammit!"

He kisses me long and slow, bringing me out of my 'Brian fucking me raw' daze and then pulls back when he's satisfied that I'm with him once again. "What are you thinking about, anyway?" Will he just fuck me already? I only smile, urge my hips forward a little to nudge his cock with my ass as a huge, major hint. He grabs my hands and holds them up above my head and finally urges his cock inside. He doesn't move slowly. He isn't gentle. He's rough, fast and oh so hot.

His head is buried in the crook between my neck and shoulder as he pounds into me. Fucking me for all it's worth. Trying to get us both off as quickly as possible. I squeeze my eyes shut and think about the one thing that'll get me off quicker than quick. A few seconds later I'm coming between our stomachs, clenching hard and tight around his cock as he continues to ram inside of me. Then, seconds later, he's done for and collapsing on top of me.

A few seconds later when we've both regained breath,

"What were you thinking about?"

"None of your business."

"It must've been hot."

"Believe me, it was."

"Then that means I must've been involved. 'Cause I'm **very** hot."

Then he's dragging me off to the shower.

He manages to somehow talk me into blowing him while we're in the shower. Brian's _very_ persuasive. After four years he knows my every button and he knows exactly how to push them…just the right way so that I'm on my knees in our shower sucking his dick. Bastard. He knows we can't be too late to my mother's house or she'll lecture the both of us. And it won't take her three guesses to figure out why we were late either. She knows Brian – she knows _us_. **She knows**.

Brian proceeds to drag me out of the shower afterwards and I somehow get dressed without Brian attacking me onto the bed and fucking me all over again. I guess he really wants to fuck me on the dinner table in front of my entire family. Oh god, this is going to be so embarrassing. There has to be some way to stop him. To stop this embarrassment that's going to happen in a few hours. He wouldn't really do it would he? Oh, yes, he would. And he's going to enjoy every second of it too. Fucking me rough and hard and for as long as he can in front of everyone.

Asshole.

"Ready, Sunshine?"

He has an amused glint in his eyes and I'm aware that I'm not the only one thinking about the events that'll happen at dinner. Unless I can stop them, which isn't likely. At all. I hold back the urge to get on my knees and beg him to not fuck me during dinner but…I know it'll never work. His mind is already dead set on fucking me there. Nothing's going to stop him. I sigh, heavily, and grab his hand in mine. "Ready as I ever will be, I guess." He grins at me, eyebrow raised.

"You were so excited about this _earlier_."

"That was before I knew I was going to make my entire family hate me."

He kisses me affectionately on the mouth for a few seconds.

"It's easy to get used to."

* * *

**&&&

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**

"Brian! You came."

I expect Brian to say something along the lines of, "Yeah, Justin came earlier too," but, surprisingly, he doesn't. He gives my mother the most polite smile I have ever seen on his face before. In my life. "Thanks for inviting me." And he even sounds polite. I'm going to have a heart-attack. But…I know what he's doing. He's being polite now so he can have an excuse to unleash all his real personality on me when he's throwing me on the dinner table.

"I'm glad you could come. Justin was hoping you would."

I roll my eyes and lead Brian into the house before my mom can give him the whole story of how much I wanted him to come. I nearly hurt her I hugged my mother so hard when she told me to go ahead and invite him. Brian doesn't need to know that. He'd probably just use it, later, to embarrass me or something. "Eager to get me alone, Sunshine?"

"No, just away from my mother."

"That's not very nice. _She_ invited me."

"No, _I_ invited you. She just gave me permission."

I drag him into the kitchen where, surprisingly and disappointedly, my worst nightmare is standing. What the fuck is **_he_** doing here? I stop, practically freeze, fingers entwined with Brian's. Craig and I have sort of a stare down and I end up looking away first to look up at Brian to make sure that I'm not hallucinating. By the look on my lover's face, I'm not. He looks tense all of the sudden and his hand tightens around mine. Mentally cursing, I look back over at my father who's standing next to my grandmother who immediately smiles at me.

"Sweetie, long time no see…"

She walks towards me and kisses me on the cheek – all the while I'm still horribly and dreadfully confused. Angry too. How come Jennifer hadn't told me he was going to be here? She would've had to have known – he wouldn't just show up. I swallow back angry words and smile a tense smile at my grandmother. "Hey, grama…how are you?" She doesn't answer my question. Instead, "Now, who's this nice young man?" I smile over at Brian, trying to ignore the fact that my father's here. But, then again, I could totally score in this by pissing him off.

"This is Brian Kinney – my _boyfriend_."

She smiles at the two of us. My father's face is red – he's so angry. I'm glad.

"He's a fine looking young man."

I grin over at Brian who looks, obviously, happy about "young" being thrown into his description. I tell her 'thanks' and she walks through the door that leads into the living room. Before the door swings shut I see Molly sitting inside watching TV. My grandfather follows my grama out, "Wait up, Sharon…" and he's out. Now it's just me, Brian and my "father." He crosses his arms over his chest, glaring angrily and disgustedly at me. Where's my mom? Probably hiding because she knows I'm probably as pissed as hell right now.

"What the **_fuck_** are you doing here?"

I squeeze my hand tighter around Brian's.

"Spending time with my _child_."

He obviously means Molly. He no longer considers me part of his family. He disowned me as soon as he found out I was a fag. Bastard. But I don't care anymore – I don't need a father. All I really need is my mother and Brian – that's all. Brian makes my life complete. I swallow, wondering if I should hold back on trying to beat the shit out of the man standing in front of me.

"I'm sure she's _happy_ to see you."

We both know she isn't.

She's hated him since he shunned me.

He frowns, looking like he wants to beat the shit out of me.

"What are you doing here, Justin?"

"This is _my_ family too."

"Not as far as I'm concerned."

"Good thing I've never given a _flying fuck_ about what you thought. And you're the one who shouldn't be here. You and mom are divorced – you could have seen Molly some other day – some other day when _I'm_ not here."

"If it was _my_ choice, you wouldn't be on the _face of the earth_."

Suddenly Brian's stepping forward, fist clenched and, usually, I'd try and stop him from punching my father just because I don't want to ruin the holiday for everyone but, right now, I'm fucking pissed. And I want my father to be fucking hurt. I want him to get fucking punched. And then he punches him, my father crying out in anger, cursing and glaring at Brian.

"If it was my choice, I'd fucking kill you right now. So – get the fuck **out** of here before I beat the _living shit_ out of you."

Suddenly Jennifer's in the kitchen and Craig's rushing out. A moment later we hear the door slam shut and the engine of a car start. I'm not sure how I missed Craig's car in the driveway. I should have seen it. The three of us are silent for a moment and then I glare at my mom. What the fuck is her fucking problem anyway? I face her, swallowing back harsh words. I don't swallow enough.

"What the fuck were you thinking? Inviting him over? When you knew Brian and I were going to be here? Are you out of your _fucking mind_? Are you _trying_ to make this a fucking horrible Thanksgiving?"

She looks stressed. Her eyes are wet but she doesn't cry.

"Justin, I'm sorry, but he wanted to see M-"

I throw my hands up in the air.

"You know what? I don't want to hear your fucking excuses right now. All I want to do right _now_ is go to the bathroom and calm myself down."

Tears welling up in my eyes from anger, not sadness, I storm off upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom. I know Brian will probably be up in a few minutes. I'm wrong – he's knocking on the door and demanding I let him in, in less than five seconds. I smile slightly, feeling better already, and quickly unlock the door. It swings open, almost hitting me in the face, and the brunet is barreling inside, arms wrapping around me and his lips descending on mine. He pulls back once we both need air, his body pressing me against the bathroom sink, me practically sitting on it and him standing in between my legs.

"Not very nice to your mother."

"I was, _am_, just angry."

"Never would've guessed."

"I can't believe he was _here_."

I rest my forehead on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him tighter against me seeking the comfort that I know he'll give me. That he _always_ does give me, even if he doesn't know it. He kisses me lightly on the cheek. "He's gone now." I pull away from him, smiling slightly. "I can't believe you _punched_ him." He doesn't say anything for a moment, then, "I couldn't help myself. He's a bastard. I was waiting for _you_ to do it."

"I wanted to."

"I know – By the way, I'd kill him before he killed you off the face of the earth."

"Of course you would – If I was gone – who'd you fuck every night?"

He doesn't say anything back; he only kisses me long and slow until I can't breathe anymore, pushing me harder against the bathroom sink. It kind of hurts. He pulls back, our lips are swollen and we're both breathless. He pulls me away from the sink, his hand wrapping firmly around mind again.

"Let's get back downstairs. We don't your mom to get _suspicious_."

"Yeah, even though you're going to fuck me right in front of her."

He only grins.

* * *

**&&&

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**

We're all gathered around the table.

I'm sitting next to Brian and my heart's starting to pound. I'm waiting for the moment where Brian will stand up, pull me up to my feet, shove me on the table scattering everyone's plates and forks and glasses across the table and onto the floor and then he'll be fucking me, mercilessly and rough. In front of everyone. But it doesn't come.

The food comes out and we begin eating.

It still doesn't come.

He's polite the entire dinner – not saying anything…_bad_.

Then dessert comes – nada. Nothing. **Zilch**.

After we're done eating, we go into the living room just to sit and talk. Sharon, my grandmother, asks a lot about Brian and me. I answer all the questions. Brian doesn't even correct me when I say we've been a couple for years. I'm still waiting for him to climb on top of me and begin fucking me. He doesn't do it though. We talk forever. It's midnight now and I'm dead tired. I could fall asleep right here if I just rested my head on Brian's shoulder and closed my eyes. I stand up, stretching my arms above my head, and yawn.

I even hug my mom, apologize for earlier.

"I love you."

"I love you too, mom."

When we're in the jeep, "So, what happened to you fucking me?" He smiles over at me, starts the jeep and heads back to the loft. "Well? Are you going to answer me?" He shrugs and then, "I couldn't get horny with your grandparents there. They're old. _Gross_." Bull shit. He's such a liar. But I won't pry the right, truthful answer out of him. I just smile and the rest of the ride to his loft is made in silence.

When we're inside he grabs my hand and leads me to the bedroom.

"Mind if I fuck you now?"

"It's one in the morning…"

"Are you whining, _Blondie_?"

I smile slightly and nod as he lays me down on the bed, slowly pulling off my articles of clothing, one by one. He shakes his head, pressing his mouth against my forehead for a few split seconds.

"I want you."

I smile tiredly.

"I **know**."

He smirks, shaking his head again.

"I want you now. I want to fuck you. _Now_."

I shake my head and sigh as he pulls one show off and then the other. My socks are pulled off next and then my pants. Now, I'm completely naked and, still, dead tired. He leans over me, kissing me slow and tenderly on my mouth, tongue darting into my mouth dueling with mine, pressing against the roof of my mouth – languid changing to frantic. Instead of just kissing – lips and tongues making love – fucking. He pulls away, hand trailing down my body until his fingers are wrapped around my awakening cock. The one part of me that _is_ awake.

He smiles down at me.

"It looks like something is awake."

"Stop, Bri…"

My hips arch off the bed as his hand moves fast up and down my shaft. He teases the head of my cock, his hands moving expertly along my turgid member. He smiles, knowing that he's probably going to be the winner of all of this. I groan out of pleasure and frustration. I reach down and quickly push his hand away.

"I'll let you get off on one condition."

He immediately perks up.

"What's that, Sunshine?"

"You let _me_ fuck _you_."

* * *

**&&&

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**

He's silent.

I know I've probably crossed the line.

He won't let me fuck him. He _rarely_ does.

"Fine."

I'm kind of shocked. I figured he'd say 'no' and that'd be the end of it. He'd lay next to me, horny, and go to sleep and in the morning I'd let him fuck my brains out. I raise an eyebrow, sitting halfway up with my weight on my elbows.

"_Really_?"

He nods, slowly – hesitantly.

"Yes, really. I never say things I don't mean."

I'm sure I can find something that he's said that he hasn't meant but I'm not about to point that out 'cause I know he'd never say I could fuck him and not actually mean it. I smile a small smile and realize that this is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever despite the fact that I had a depressing run in with my father. I reach out and gently grip the back of his head and bring his lips against mine showing him how grateful I am for this.

When I pull away I begin stripping him of his own clothing.

Once he's naked I lay him down so that he's on his back and I grab a condom and his handy bottle of lube off the nightstand, butterflies rising in my stomach. Every time he gives me the chance to actually be inside of him I get nervous. Nervous in such a sweet, great, good, beautiful way. I slide the condom on my cock and lube his hole and my condom as well. He's not used to be on this end of things. I want to do my best to make this as painless as possible. I wrap his legs around my waist, press my lips against his chest and shove forward.

He, surprisingly, engulfs me in one stroke.

It feels so fucking beautiful – _wonderful_ – hot.

I love this perfect man more than life itself.

I don't move immediately – I'm too busy reveling in the sensation of being inside him for the first time in a long while. I need to savor the moment. After all, it's not very often that Brian bottoms. And he knows that I know this.

"Hurry _up_, Justin."

I smile slightly, "_Sorry_."

"Fuck you are."

He moves his hips off the bed for further emphasis to get me to speed up the process and I oblige. I make sure that I don't think about anything that'll make this 'me fucking Brian' thing not last as long, which definitely means that I can't think about him fucking me raw – or the other way around. I only concentrate on moving in and out of him – **slow**. I know it's probably pissing him off, me going so slow 'cause I know he'd probably rather me go fast – rough but that's too bad.

'Cause I know that he's enjoying this.

He may try and hide it – the look on his face is a dead giveaway.

To _me_ anyway. I _know_ what to look for.

His legs are tight around my waist, his fingers thread through my hair, tugging it, pulling it – gripping it. His mouth is open in a silent moan and I take advantage of it, lowering my own head as I shove forward and I press my mouth against his, sliding my tongue inside, holding his face in my hands. I yank away and slow down – **_purposely_** – to drag it out, angling myself so I'm dragging my cock across his prostate. I know when we're through and we've both regained our breaths, he's going to kill me. And I don't care.

We _both_ know he's enjoying this.

His back arches, his legs tighten and his breath hisses, "_Juustin_." There's a warning in his voice but below the warning there's ecstasy that my ears have learned to hear after ignoring his fake façade of…_warningness_. His eyes are open – I love his eyes when we're having sex. I love his eyes when I'm the one on top. They're all dilated, intense, dark – horny. Wanting. Because he wants **me**. He slaps my ass and tells me to get a move on and I agree, but just because I have the extreme need to get off by now as well.

Soon we're a rocking blur, me fucking him for all it's worth.

He even moans out loud, which means I've really gotten him into a daze. And when he actually moans my name, well, it makes me come. And extremely happy.

_Brian moaned my name_.

I slip out of him, throw the condom to the floor even though I know he'll yell at me later 'cause I don't pick it up.

I keep my arms wrapped sturdily around his sweaty body and match my breath with his and we both gain our breathing back together. He rolls over me, trapping me under his larger form, his forehead rests against mine and his lips hover only mere centimeters away from mine and I hope, pray, that he'll kiss me.

I'll never get enough of Brian Kinney.

I'll need him everyday for the rest of my life.

I'll never get my fill – he'll never get boring.

His lips brush across mine as if he reads my mind but they quickly disappear and so does he. He gets off the bed, tells me to get my ass up and shower so he can fuck me there and I quickly get up off the bed and follow like the good partner I am.

Because we both know that we're partners.

No matter how much he lies.

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

The shower had been hot.

But…it always _is_ hot.

I hadn't lasted long, mostly because I let my thoughts run away with me again. Brian, this time, didn't seem to care that I only lasted a few minutes – like a fucking virgin – this time he just nagged me about what I had been thinking about. He was more curious than anything, really.

I curl up next to him on the couch.

I know he hates it when I cuddle against him.

Well, I know he _pretends_ to hate it.

"What do you think about?"

I smile, nuzzling my nose against his neck; breathe in his newly cleansed scent.

"I think about a lot of things."

"You _know_ what I mean."

"I'm afraid, Mr. Kinney, that I _don't_ know what you mean."

He looks at me with the 'You're so full of shit' eyes and I only grin, which I know will get him even more curious and, maybe, even slightly irritated. He wants to know so badly. He wants to know what I fantasized about that gets me so fucking hot. It makes me smile, how much he wants to know when he usually _acts_ like he doesn't give a fuck about what I think. _Most_ of the time anyway. He pushes me away so that I'm no longer cuddling against him and I know he won't let me go back to the comfortable position until I tell him what I think about.

"Yes, you do."

I raise an eyebrow at him, "Why does it _matter_?"

"It matters because I want to know."

"Hmm – well, that's just too bad."

He rolls his eyes and mutters something about me being extremely unfair and immature. I snort and get up off the couch, grab a glass of sweet tea and then sit back down next to him. He's reading a magazine. Well, he's looking – not reading. I know that he's just waiting, waiting until I spill. I grin over at him around the straw that's in my mouth.

"You're so cute when you're curious."

"Take that back."

I shake my head, "I don't think so."

He glares at me for a split second before returning to his looking of the magazine. I continue to stare at him until he looks back at me with a look of 'I'm going to kill you if you don't tell me' on his face.

"Why are you staring?"

I shrug, "I _like_ staring at you."

"How 'bout you like telling me what hot, sexy thoughts you think about me all the time. Maybe we could try out whatever it is your _fantasizing_ about."

Yeah, I wish.

"There's no way in hell we could."

"It's _that_ kinky? Wow, Sunshine."

"Not kinky per say. More like…_dangerous_."

"Hey, I love dangerous."

I shake my head. If only he knew.

"You don't like this kind of dangerous."

"Will you just fucking tell me?"

"Nope, I _won't_ actually."

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

He doesn't ask me again.

Not until after we've both fucked again a few minutes later and we're lying in bed. I'm even more tired now and all I want to do is sleep. Sleep forever. This has been the longest Thanksgiving ever. Good, yes, but long. Oh so long.

Brian pulls my back against his chest and he keeps his arm locked across my body, his head resting just behind mine and his breath causing my hair to move along with his breath. I close my eyes and listen to his steady breathing behind me expecting him to fall asleep just as quickly as I'm about to. Except, he doesn't plan on sleeping, not yet anyway.

"Tell me or **no** sleep for you."

"If I get no sleep you get no ass. How 'bout that one?"

"I can get anyone's ass, Sunshine, remember that."

And he knows how I feel about him going out and picking up tricks. I heavily sigh and turn around so that I'm now facing him, our noses almost touching.

"Fine – I'll _tell_ you."

"Thank fucking God."

"But, it's really not a big deal…"

"I'm waiting, _Fantasy Boy_."

"I think about us…fucking. Raw."

I realize that my voice isn't really loud. I realize that I don't want him to hear. I don't want him to hear because I don't want him to get mad at me. We never really discuss him fucking me without a condom because I know he'd never do it so I never bring it up. It's definitely out of the question. He'd never agree to it. Ever. Not ever in his life. If he did I'd probably die of a stroke before he'd have the _chance_. I close my eyes so I don't have to look at him. Especially if he ends up being angry at the very thought of it.

And, plus, I'm kind of embarrassed.

Suddenly I feel his lips moving softly against mine and I automatically part my lips for his waiting tongue and we make out, leisurely and I guess, **hope**, that we're not going to talk about anything I just said. But, I don't get my hope granted. He pulls away and I open my eyes and meet his 'cause I know I don't really have any other choice. His fingers play with my hair for a moment, his other arm wrapped securely around my waist, which always makes me feel good but, right now, I'm nervous as hell. I only want him to drop the entire subject and forget I ever said anything at all. He kisses me quickly on the mouth again.

"Someday, Sunshine."

My anxiety slips away and is replaced with relief.

'Someday' is a better answer than I ever expected.

'Someday'…could be any day. _Soon_, even. And I'm willing to wait for that day.

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

**Author's Note: **The lyrics are "Suspension" by Mae. How is it, so far?


	2. Halloween

_Never mind the secrets that you keep  
'Cause I wanna know what it takes to move the ground beneath your feet  
I wanna see a smile that laughs, let you have my better half_

**&&&**

**Halloween.

* * *

**

"You're taking Gus Trick-or-Treating whether you want to or not."

Lindsay wouldn't take any of my shit. She said that if I had to work than I _had_ to cancel it. When I got home and told Justin about it, I had been hoping he would be, at least a _little_, sympathetic about it. No, he shot me a huge grin and laughed right in my face. I should have known that this would be his reaction. Every Halloween for the last four years he's wanted to take Gus Trick-or-Treating and every year I don't oblige to his wishes because, well, do I look like Trick-or-Treating material? Uh – **no**. I sigh dramatically and throw myself on the couch,

"Shut up, Blondie."

"Are you dressing up too?"

He's only joking – I can tell by the grin on his face.

Little shit, "Fuck no – I said shut up."

He plops down by me feet and begins taking off my shoes and socks, smile still on his face. He's way too excited about this Halloween business. "Gus is going to be excited, though." I roll my eyes. "He won't even remember." This time Justin rolls his eyes. "He will too. Just because he's little doesn't mean he won't remember the first time he went Trick-or-Treating with his _daddy_. Plus, it's your duty as a father." I sigh and close my eyes as he crawls up my body and lays down on top of me, head just under my chin.

"Why don't _you_ take him?"

Justin rolls his eyes with a smile.

"I'm not his dad."

"You might as well be."

I ignore the extremely annoying (**happy**) smile on his face.

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

The next day I drive myself and Justin over to Lindsay's house to pick up Gus. To be honest, I'm not really dreading the fact that, in just a few hours, that I'm going to have to spend time with my son. As a matter of fact, I like spending time with my son. It's just…I'd rather spend time with him doing something other than walking around a neighborhood at night and getting him enough candy to keep him on a sugar high for the rest of his fucking life. I'm taking him straight to the muncher's house afterwards 'cause there's _no way_ in hell I'm dealing with a four-year-old with candy coming out the ass.

When we pull up Justin smiles over at me, "This is gonna be fun, Brian." I roll my eyes. Maybe I'll keep Justin here too. He'll probably be just as bad as Gus with an assload of candy in his system. When we walk inside Gus is the first to greet us.

"Daddy!"

I kneel down so I'm almost at his level and sweep him up in my arms, stand up and hold him as he babbles on about candy. _Grreat_. Lindsay smiles a warm smile at me – bitch – and asks Justin how he has been and they immediately begin pleasant conversation. I look around noticing something different about their house. It's oddly…peaceful. Oh, that means Melanie must be absent at the moment.

"Where's your lesbian at?"

Lindsay rolls her eyes, "She's _working_."

Justin comes up to Gus and me and automatically takes my son away from me. If I've thought it once I've thought it a million times despite the fact that I hate thinking about it. I mean, I'm Brian Kinney for fuck's sake and it's…sinful for me to think things along the lines of 'Justin, me, and Gus make a fucking awesome family.' See? Yeah, just plain wrong. "Hi, JusJus."

"Hi, GusGus."

Just shoot me. Even if it is…cute. Excuse my while I go _hurl_.

"Excited to go get candy tonight?"

Gus says he is. Imagine that. Lindsay smiles over at me.

"You'll have fun, Brian."

"Yeah, I bet."

"It's really not that bad. Just walk around for two or three hours. Maybe even less depending on how tired he gets. It's not _that_ hard."

"Yeah, well, just so you know – I'm letting **you** deal with his sugar high tonight."

She doesn't say anything; she only smiles.

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

I drive me and Justin and our new addition, Gus, to the diner afterwards to get some late lunch – it's a very late lunch – it's four. Lindsay told me that Gus had already eaten but as soon as we walked inside he practically begged me for pizza. Who am I to tell him no? Plus, Justin wants pizza and, I guess, I'll have some fucking pizza too. Debbie hurries over to us as soon as she notices that we're here and steals my son away from me.

"Hey there, kiddo!"

I drag Justin over to the first empty table I see and we sit down while Debbie takes Gus over to show him to all her co-workers. It's not like they haven't seen him before but they always get a kick out of cooing in his face like he's still a goddamn two-year-old and pinching his cheeks. Justin and I probably won't even have to "deal" with him the entire time we're here 'cause Debbie will hog him the whole time along with Kiki. Now that I think about it – I don't think I want a drag queen screwing around with my son. I don't want him getting any ideas.

Twenty minutes after arriving Debbie finally comes back and hands my child over to me. "Whatcha guys want?"

"**PIZZA**!"

Justin grins, "What Gus said."

I only shrug.

"Pizza it is then. What kind?"

"**PIZZA**!"

Justin laughs at Gus and I quickly tell Debbie that cheese is just fine. Like Gus really cares seeing as he doesn't even know the different types of pizza – obviously. Pizza is pizza to him. Justin takes Gus out of my arms and holds him. Can't I even hold my own son? I fling my arm across Justin's shoulders to make up for the loss of my son in them a few seconds before. "What are you dressing up as, GusGus?" I haven't even opened up the bag that conceals Gus's costume in it. To be honest, I'm kind of scared to see what the muncher's have dressed him up as. Probably a construction worker or something even _more_ scary.

Gus smiles, his small fingers playing with Justin's hair.

I can't keep my hands out of Justin's hair either.

"I'm wearin' a…costume!"

No shit Sherlock. I look my son in the eye.

"What _kind_ of costume, Sonny Boy?"

"I'm gonna be a…**BEAR**!"

Thank fucking god. I smile slightly and untie the plastic bag that his costume is in and pull it out. He has to wear this? Hopefully it's cool tonight. Shit – it makes me hot just looking at it. I roll my eyes slightly but smile over at my son. "Cool." Justin sounds a little more enthusiastic about it when he actually says that he wishes he could dress up as a bear too. God, save me. Gus smiles sweetly up at my lover.

"You can _too_, JusJus!"

"I don't have a _costume_."

To put it lightly, Gus looks very put out that Justin can't dress up as a bear too. God, please don't tell me that he's actually tearing up about the whole situation. Justin hugs him briefly, pulls back and smiles down at my son. "I'll dress up next year." Hell he will. Not if I have something to do with it, which I definitely will. I smirk over at the blond.

"Yeah, only if you wear your _birthday suit_."

He smacks me lightly on the arm and turns back to Gus.

"Would you like that?"

Gus nods frantically. "Yeah!" Gus looks over at me with a huge smile, which I swear he somehow inherited from Justin. "Daddy! JusJus is gonna dress up next year too!" I nod, smiling slightly. What Gus doesn't know won't hurt him. Let him keep on believing that I'm going to let Justin out of the house in a fucking Halloween costume. "I bet he is." Gus suddenly smiles wider like he just had a brilliant idea.

"Can _you_ dress up, daddy?"

Justin snorts and shoots me a look that clearly says 'you better not tell him no.'

"We'll see."

Justin and I both know that means **no fucking way**.

Debbie finally comes with our pizza, sits down across from us and steals Gus away from Justin. While we're eating we talk. Well, Justin and Debbie talk with Gus saying random things every minute or two between taking bites of his piece of pizza. Debbie smiles over at me, evil glint in her eyes.

"So, you're takin' him out tonight?"

"Shut up, Debbie, just shut up."

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

We head back to the loft at around six.

Justin _professionally_ informs me that we need to give Gus a bath and then get him ready. Yes, _mother_. I hand Gus over to him, feigned sweet smile on my face. "Here, sweetie, you give the boy a bath while I go water the _flowers_." Justin smiles slightly and carries Gus to the bathroom with a, "I'd love to, love," and he's disappearing into the bathroom. A few seconds later I hear the bath water running. Good thing I had that bathtub installed not too long ago.

Sure, it makes my bathroom look slightly strange…

I'll get over it – I'm sure. Justin says so anyway.

While waiting for the bath to end I take Gus's costume out again. Good fucking Lord – why oh why? Why does Lindsay have to torture him so? Did Gus actually want to be a bear? I have to call her. I have to know if she's doing this against my son's will. I pick up my phone and dial her. Unfortunately, Melanie answers. "Hello?"

"Damn – you're home."

I can hear her tension through the phone.

"Oh – _you_."

"May I please talk to the mother of _my_ child?"

She probably wants to pound me so bad. She probably could if she were over here. She scares the fucking hell out of me sometimes.

"Hello?"

"What the hell are you dressing our child in?"

"He _wanted_ to be a bear."

"Fuck – He's been spending way too much time with you guys."

"It's not _my_ fault that you don't spend a lot of time with him."

I may have to change some things.

"Are you sure he wants to wear this?"

Suddenly the phone is being taken out of my hands by a grinning Justin. "Hey, Linds. Sorry about Brian." A few minutes later he hangs up and rolls his eyes over at me. I hear Gus humming from my bedroom. "Don't bother Lindsay with stupid questions, Bri." I cross my arms over my chest. "I just wanted to make sure that they aren't forcing him to wear this shit."

"_Language_!"

I roll my eyes.

"Gus was telling me all about how much he loves his costume while I cleaned him up. He's absolutely **ecstatic** about being a bear for Halloween."

"_Dang_."

He smiles at me, his arms wrapping around my neck and his lips touching mine. My own arms wrap around him automatically. He pulls away when I get a little rough, shoving him against the nearest wall. His cheeks are flushed, lips swollen and his pupils are dilated. He smiles apologetically at me and I suddenly hear Gus's humming from the platform again. "Not right now, Brian." I offer him a small smile. He's the one who kissed me. He should know how I am by now.

"You're right."

"I just don't want to start anything – especially since we can't finish it."

"He does need to learn early…"

"**Brian**!"

He smacks me lightly on the arm and slides out from under my arms, which had blocked him in against the wall and pads up to my bedroom. _Our_ bedroom I guess. I hear the plastic bag opening that contains his costume. "Alright, Gus, ready to get dressed?" I hear a loud 'yeah' and I walk up to watch Justin dress my son. They're both sitting on the bed and Justin's helping Gus get the outfit on. Gus stands up on the bed and, it's kind of funny to watch Gus keep falling. My mattress is soft, what can I say?

Justin finally manages to get the garment on.

Justin grins over at me.

"Doesn't he look adorable?"

They both look at me, waiting.

"Of course he does."

I pick up my son, smiling at him.

"Ready to go?"

"**YEAH**!"

I watch as Justin pulls the pillowcase off my pillow.

"What are you doing?"

"We need this to carry his candy in."

My poor, _poor_ pillowcase.

"Don't worry, Bri, _it'll be fine_."

I don't say anything. I just hope he's right. That's a nice pillowcase. Justin hands the pillowcase over to my son and Justin must notice the expression on my face. He smiles a small smile and places a hand on my arm.

"Brian – the pillowcase will be fine."

…

"I promise."

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

"Time to go, Gus!"

I glance down at my watch. Seven-thirty. It's already darkening outside. Let the fun begin – _not_. Justin walks out the door with Gus in his arms and large smile on his face. Again: He's way, **way** too excited about this Halloween business. I set the alarm and lock the door before leading them out to my jeep. I start the vehicle while Justin straps him in. When he's done he gets in the passenger side. I make a show of buckling in the blond myself, kissing him for a few seconds in the process. Grinning, he pushes me away.

"What'd I say?"

"I don't know – You say quite _a lot_."

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

When we get to an actual neighborhood I park.

There are other kids out in their own costumes. Why the hell is there parents dressing up their four-year-olds as _Scream_? That's way beyond me – and people call me a sick fuck? This time I get Gus out and set him down on the ground. Justin hands him his – MY – pillowcase. We both grab a hand and start out on the walk of fucking death. Ok, so maybe I'm being dramatic but this is not my kind of thing and everyone knows it. Especially Lindsay.

"Let's go to this house, Gus!"

Justin leads us to the first house we see.

He helps Gus with the whole "Trick-or-Treat" thing.

This goes on for **two hours**.

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

I fling myself on the couch when we get home.

"This has been the most trying day of my life."

Justin snorts from in the kitchen where he's getting some food ready. I refused to eat with Mel and Linds when they offered to cook something up. By the time we dropped him off it had been nine-thirty and I was ready to get home and do ungodly things to Justin – after he cooked for me. As far as I'm concerned, he's a way better cook than Lindsay is, though I won't tell her that. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, now would I?

"What do you want, Bri?"

"Peace and quiet."

"I mean to eat, drama queen."

"Nothing having to do with candy."

"Well, that could be a number of things,"

"Just make some fucking food, Justin."

He laughs from in the kitchen, knowing very well that he's getting on my last nerve. "Yes, master." I mumble that's more like it and he threatens not to give me any tonight, which would be very bad considering that I absolutely **need** him tonight. I've been hanging out with kids and candy and Lindsay's bullshit all day – I need some TLC from the blond in the kitchen and if I don't get it than I'll be one very cranky, sexually frustrated man.

The smell of Jambalaya wafts through my loft and I get up.

I'm bored of sitting anyway.

I make my way into the kitchen, walk behind my blond and wrap my arms around his waist – pull him against me. "I'm trying to cook." I nuzzle his neck with my nose and lips, kissing him lightly on the collarbone. "I'm trying to convince you to stop long enough to kiss me." He shakes his head. "And we both know that kissing will lead to fucking and I don't want to burn our food." I sigh, heavily, and pull away, leaning on the counter next to him.

Yawning, I pull my shirt up over my head.

Ok, I'm not just taking it off _casually_ – I'm trying to tempt him here.

He doesn't even look my way so, I unbutton my jeans.

Still – no reaction.

"_Justin_,"

"What do you want now?"

"I want you in my bed _now_."

"Keep your pants on – it's done."

I sigh again, tapping my foot on the floor.

"Now that I think about it, I'm not hungry at the moment. Well, for food anyway."

Justin smiles over at me, turning off the stove.

"My mom says it's better the second day…"

Yeah, so I've heard.

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

"I was thinking about torturing you tonight – getting out my whip and handcuffs and playing the big bad cop but…I'm way to fucking horny to do that right now so, you'll have to do with just me, _Brian_, fucking you."

Justin doesn't look too disappointed.

He doesn't look disappointed at all.

I figured as much.

"But, I swear, tomorrow night I'm pulling out every device I can and using every single one of them on you."

Justin nods frantically. He's almost out of all his clothes except for his underwear, which he's successfully getting off right now as I stand next to the bed that he's sitting on talking to him. I know he wants me to stop talking, grab a condom and lube and fuck him extra hard and rough, like, **now**. And, I will, oh, I will alright. I'm already naked – I had taken the liberty to tear off my pants on the way over here. I kneel down on the bed and hover over him.

"Does that sound alright to you?"

"Will you just fucking _fuck_ me already?"

Mere seconds later I'm moving inside of him – moving in and out frantically. I'm moving so fast I almost can't keep up with myself. His nails are digging into my back, hands gripping so hard. His legs are wound tightly around me, heels pressing hard into my ass and his lips, tongue and teeth scraping, biting, and licking over my neck, shoulder, mouth – anything they can reach.

He mumbles my name, screams my name, and moans my name.

My name – it's everywhere and I promise myself that I won't say his.

I do anyway – it's muffled against his neck so maybe he won't hear it. I drag my dick across his prostate hoping that he'll be too out of it to hear my moans. I reach between us, grabbing his cock in my hand and start jerking him off to get him off before I do – I don't want to be the one to come first. It only takes a few seconds and then he's coming all over the two of us, screaming out my name. Loud. I bet the people downstairs and upstairs heard it. I'll probably get a note in the morning on my door telling me to keep it quiet.

I have before.

* * *

**&&&

* * *

**

"Rise and shine!"

I moan, "Justin – go fuck yourself."

"I was hoping you'd do it for me."

"You've always been so charming."

"I know! That's what you love about me."

I don't tell him that I don't love him but I don't tell him that I do either. That'd be against all my rules – then again, I've already broken so many, haven't I? I pull a pillow over my face hoping that he'll go away and let me sleep some more. No such luck. He pulls the pillow away from me, straddling me in the process and, probably purposely, grinding his ass against my morning wood. "C'mon, Brian, I was just about to get in the bath." Since when does he take baths?

"You mean…an actual _bath_?"

"_Yeah_. A bath in a bath tub. I want you to fuck me in it."

"You've **never** been subtle have you?"

"No, now c'mon. My ass is calling your dick."

"Quite the mouth, young man."

"I've learned from the master."

I smile slightly, stroking his cock in my hand.

"You've learned _everything_ from the master."

"Yeah, well, now you have to each me the best way to fuck in a bathtub."


End file.
